I’m going through old videos trying to find footage of my tumbling to better rehabilitate my injuries and came across this video of my last trip to worlds in 2016. 

I can’t help but share this. I have the chills the entire time I watch it. I want to cry any time I hear the music or even think about cheering. 

It’s taken me a long time to be able to watch an entire routine without quickly shutting it off because it’s too much emotion for me to handle. 

I’m grateful to be in a space where I can truly appreciate the experiences I was able to be a part of. I hope our generation continues to break the mold by talking openly about mental illness and addiction. 

It’s little things like this that make sobriety so beautiful. It’s not just looking back on old footage. It’s remembering how small I felt back then. My insecurities were screaming. I didn’t have enough confidence to ask a teammate to take videos of my tumbling because I felt I’d be coming off self centered. 

The people around me were nothing but loving, supportive, and motivating. Yet I was stuck in my head. If I wasn’t the absolute best, I’d put in half the effort or play it off like I wasn’t trying at all or make a joke of myself. 

If I knew then what I know now, I could have gotten some help and maybe been a bit more present. 

At the end of the day, cheer was a huge part of my life and was probably the last thing that held my attention over alcohol for a bit. I’m blessed to have met all the people I met because of this sport. What an honor it was to be a part of such an incredible program, family, and team filled with genuinely amazing human beings.